Tuesday, January 22, 2008

What now?

The last eight years of my life have been very hard. I went to college, had a child, dropped out of college, was homeless on and off, and had more kids. I was hoping that this year would be different from the last ones. I thought that this would be my year. Though this is only January, I'm starting to feel as if this is just one more year of monotony. I know in my head that there is still so much time to change the everyday, but in my heart I don't feel it. My dream of going to school seems as though it will be one that will be going unfulfilled for a while longer. This is not what I wanted for my life. I'm like most people. I just want simple things. I want to go to school, find a great job, and take care of my family without worry. Why is that so hard to do? Is it not my destiny? Do I need a stronger will or do I just let go? I have no idea. So now, I have to figure out what to do with myself. I feel stuck. Books no longer give me the pleasure that I've known my whole life. Music no longer sounds the same. So what now? What is there for me to do?

1 comment:

Jill said...

I wish I could say something inspirational and earth-shattering, but the words aren't coming. It does seem like you're being a little hard on yourself - at the ripe old age of 24? 25? I know it doesn't seem this way, but you have lots of years ahead of you to make changes. Focus on one thing at a time. And don't put a lot of pressure on yourself. Did you know that nurturing is one of the most exhausting things humans do?


I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, as always.

=) Jill